Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Found the puke drawer
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
