Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
