She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
