He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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