She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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