mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
