Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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