She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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