do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
