swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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