she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
