There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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