I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
