Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I still have a little drunk in my system
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
