my phone cant type all the emotion im having
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
