I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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