I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
