So drunk its hurt
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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