Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
