operation harelip BJ is a go
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
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