Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
