DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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