You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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