it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
