I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
