i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
