Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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