dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
