i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
