Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
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