I think my fart just growled at me.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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