"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just found puke in my bra..
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Randomize
