So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
