I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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