you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
