Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
