Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
operation harelip BJ is a go
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Randomize
