imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
