Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
