I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
