Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
