It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
This toilet bowl is my home.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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