in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
