Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
