I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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