I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
