WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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