Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
too bad you live with your parents still
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
