marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
So much rum. So many feels.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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