I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Girls should come with a carfax report
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
