Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
