ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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